Your Horoscope for Today - ”Weird Al” Yankovic

Your Horoscope For Today - Weird Al Yankovic
以下歌词翻译由文曲大模型提供
AQUARIUS
水瓶座
There's travel in your future when your tongue
当你的舌头黏在飞驰巴士后窗时
Freezes to the back of a speeding bus
预示你将踏上奇妙旅程
Fill that void in your pathetic life
用每天十七小时打地鼠游戏
By playing Whack-A-Mole seventeen hours a day
填补你可悲人生的空虚
PISCES
双鱼座
Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos
切记远离携带埃博拉病毒的
With the Ebola virus
处女座和狮子座人士
You are the true Lord of the Dance
你才是真正的舞林至尊
No matter what those idiots at work say
别管那些职场蠢货怎么议论
ARIES
白羊座
The look on your face will be priceless
当你发现结肠里卡着十八斤西瓜时
When you find that forty-pound watermelon in your colon
那表情绝对精彩绝伦
Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf
快和白化病侏儒交换牙刷
Then give a hickey to Meryl Streep
再给梅姨种颗草莓印
TAURUS
金牛座
You will never find true happiness
你永远找不到真正的幸福
What you gonna do cry about it
你能怎么办 哭鼻子吗
The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up
星星预言明天你会醒来
Do a bunch of stuff and then go back to sleep
做一堆事情然后继续睡觉
That's your horoscope for today
这就是你今天的星座运势
That's your horoscope for today
这就是你今天的星座运势
Yay yay yay yay yay

That's your horoscope for today
这就是你今天的星座运势
That's your horoscope for today
这就是你今天的星座运势
That's your horoscope for today
这就是你今天的星座运势
Yay yay yay yay yay

That's your horoscope for today
这就是你今天的星座运势
GEMINI
双子座
Your birthday party will be ruined once again
你的生日派对将再次被搞砸
By your explosive flatulence
因为你那惊天动地的屁
Your love life will run into trouble
你的爱情生活将陷入麻烦
When your fiance hurls a javelin through your chest
当未婚妻用标枪刺穿你的胸膛
CANCER
巨蟹座
The position of Jupiter says that you should spend
木星方位显示你该整周
The rest of the week face down in the mud
面朝下埋在泥浆里
Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose
考驾照时千万要忍住
While taking your driver's test
别把胶带卷塞进鼻孔
LEO
狮子座
Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt
现在可不是复印你屁股的好时机
And staple it to your boss's face oh no
还别把它钉在老板脸上 哦不
Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding
吃下一桶金枪鱼味布丁
Then wash it down with a gallon of Strawberry Quik
再用一加仑草莓快克冲下肚
VIRGO
处女座
All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent
所有处女座都友善又聪明
Except for you
除了你
Expect a big surprise today
今天准备迎接大惊喜吧
When you wind up with your head impaled upon a stick
当你脑袋被插在木棍上
That's your horoscope for today
这就是你今天的星座运势
That's your horoscope for today
这就是你今天的星座运势
Yay yay yay yay yay

That's your horoscope for today
这就是你今天的星座运势
That's your horoscope for today
这就是你今天的星座运势
That's your horoscope for today
这就是你今天的星座运势
Yay yay yay yay yay

That's your horoscope for today
这就是你今天的星座运势
Now you may find it inconceivable
现在你或许觉得难以置信
Or at the very least a bit unlikely
至少也觉得不太可能
That the relative position of the planets
行星与恒星的相对位置
And the stars could have a special deep significance
竟会对你产生特殊而深远的影响
Or meaning that exclusively applies to only you
或是只针对你的独特意义
But let me give you my assurance
但请允许我向你保证
That these forecasts and predictions
这些预言和预测
Are all based on solid scientific documented evidence
全都基于确凿的科学实证依据
So you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize
除非你是个十足的傻瓜才会不明白
That every single one of them is absolutely true
它们每一个都绝对真实可信
Where was I
我刚说到哪儿了
LIBRA
天秤座
A big promotion is just around the corner
升职加薪近在眼前
For someone much more talented that you
不过那是给比你更有才华的人准备的
Laughter is the very best medicine
笑声是最好的良药
Remember that when your appendix bursts next week
下周你阑尾炎发作时请记住这点
SCORPIO
天蝎座
Get ready for an unexpected trip
准备好迎接意外之旅
When you fall screaming from an open window
当你尖叫着从敞开的窗户坠落时
Work a little harder on improving your low self-esteem
多努力改善你那可怜的自尊心吧
You stupid freak
你这个蠢货
SAGITTARIUS
射手座
All your friends are laughing behind your back
朋友们都在背后嘲笑你
Kill them
解决他们
Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine
把厄内斯特·博格宁的裸照全撤下来
You've got hanging in your den
那些你挂在书房里的
CAPRICORN
摩羯座
The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person
星象说你是个精彩绝伦的人
But you know they're lying
但你知道他们在撒谎
If I were you I'd lock my doors and windows
换作是我 会锁紧门窗
And never never never never never leave my house again
永远永远永远永远别再踏出家门半步
That's your horoscope for today
这就是你今天的星座运势
That's your horoscope for today
这就是你今天的星座运势
Yay yay yay yay yay

That's your horoscope for today
这就是你今天的星座运势
That's your horoscope for today
这就是你今天的星座运势
That's your horoscope for today
这就是你今天的星座运势
Yay yay yay yay yay

That's your horoscope for today
这就是你今天的星座运势
That's your horoscope for today
这就是你今天的星座运势
That's your horoscope for today
这就是你今天的星座运势
Yay yay yay yay yay

That's your horoscope for today
这就是你今天的星座运势
That's your horoscope for today
这就是你今天的星座运势
Yay yay yay yay yay

That's your horoscope for today
这就是你今天的星座运势