Haikus/sonnet/shakespeare(Explicit) - Bo Burnham

We've been doing a lot of laughing
我们欢声笑语不断
Which is good uh for a comedy show on a comedy CD but what we haven't been doing is a lot of thinking
这对喜剧CD上的喜剧节目来说是好事但我们没有思考太多
And I'd like to do that now I've written some haikus
我现在很想这样做我写了一些俳句
Haikus are Japanese poems consisting of 17 syllables three lines
俳句是由三行17个音节组成的日本诗歌
Five seven five

And I find them to have a certain
我发现他们有一种
Philosophical construct there's a certain uh
哲学上的构想有一种
Soundness in their simplicity a clearness in their cogency if you will
简洁中透着稳健如果你愿意的话
So hopefully what we'll do right now is read these haikus think for a bit
希望我们现在要做的是读读这些俳句思考一下
And then when we go back uh to the
当我们回到
You know the jokes and the laughing
你知道那些笑话和欢笑
They'll have benefited uh from the time we took to think
他们会从我们的思考中受益良多
So um you guys just sit back and indulge me and just think for a bit and then we'll go back to the jokes
所以你们坐下来好好放纵我好好想想然后我们继续讲笑话
Uh can I get some blue light to set the mood
我能否用蓝色灯光营造一下氛围
Perfect
完美的
For those of you listening on CD the lights didn't change which made it funny
对于那些听着CD的人来说灯光没有改变真是有趣
I saw a rainbow
我看见了彩虹
On the day my grandma died
在我奶奶去世的那天
F**kin' lesbian

Ding

For fifteen cents a
一个十五美分
Day you can feed an African
有一天你可以养活一个非洲人
They eat pennies
他们贪得无厌
Ding

Old peoples' skin sags
老年人皮肤松弛
Because it's being pulled toward
因为它被拉向
The underworld
黑社会
Ding

Do unto others
对待别人
As you would have them do to you
就像你希望他们对你做的那样
Said the rapist

Ding

My aunt used to say
我阿姨曾经说
Slow and steady wins the race
稳扎稳打赢得胜利
She died in a fire
她葬身火海
Ding

Even if he is
即使他是
Your friend never ever call
你的朋友从未给我打过电话
An Asian person
一个亚洲人
Ding

And finally

Bono if you want
波诺如果你愿意
To help poor people sell your
帮助穷人推销你的产品
Tinted shades you cunt

Ding

Thank you this next piece is called Sonnet 155 or If Shakespeare Had Written a p**n and it goes like this
谢谢下一首歌叫做十四行诗155或者《如果莎士比亚写了一个P》是这样的
I saw the morning dew betwixt thine thighs

As I removed my source of Grecian power
当我抹去希腊力量的源泉
As if King Midas dared to touch the skies
仿佛迈达斯王敢于触摸天空
Upon thy body fell a golden shower
金色的雨落在你的身上
Thy body's temples two church bells had rung
你身体的太阳穴两个教堂的钟声响起
Upon thy chest a row of pearls bestowed
你的胸前挂着一排珍珠
The sun had set thy set with wary hung
太阳落山你小心谨慎地挂着
I thought How black a night and blue a lode
我想多么黑暗的夜晚多么珍贵的宝藏
I said What light through yonder beaver breaks
我说那边亮起了什么光
It is the yeast
这是酵母菌
And now my belly's yellow
现在我的腹部泛黄
My pole gives cause to storms and earthy quakes
我的枪让狂风暴雨和大地震动
But 'tis not massive I am no Othello
但这并不重要我不是奥赛罗
And when that final moment came to pass
当那最后的时刻到来
Like Christ I came a riding on an a*s
就像耶稣一样我一路狂飙
Thank you very much
非常感谢
William Shakespeare uh
威廉·莎士比亚
William Shakespeare was a verbal cun tortionist
威廉·莎士比亚是个口齿伶俐的折磨者
He could bend his words in the way a contortionist bends his frame without hope that he could with a name like William Shakespeare
他可以像柔体杂技演员一样扭动身体毫无希望他能像莎士比亚一样名垂青史
William Shakespeare some some of you seem lost look
威廉·莎士比亚你们当中有些人似乎迷失了方向
Say your name was Robert Frost and you couldn't write that would suck
你说你的名字是RobertFrost你不会写那就糟了
Well I guess you could always go as Bobby Frost and own an ice cream truck
我想你可以打扮成BobbyFrost开着冰激凌车
He was balanced like a simile and could stack metaphor five six at a time and rhyme into the very last line of a soliloquy which finally said outright with a previous 77 rolling hinting at

He had puns and quips and tons of trips of sons with ships with nuns with hips and buns and lips but I had something that Shakespeare never had
他有不少俏皮话和讽刺诗还有数不清的旅行孩子和船还有修女还有丰满的臀部和嘴唇但我有莎士比亚没有的东西
Penicillin
青霉素
See it hadn't been invented yet back then they only had quill icillin
你瞧这玩意儿还没发明出来那时候他们只有鹅毛笔
Hey it's not that hard bard
嘿这并不是一首难唱的歌
I'm sorry I got a bone to pick with you William
抱歉我要跟你挑事威廉
So if you could just listen up here and listen to this theater queer's theater query here and maybe act like a real artist for once in your life
所以如果你能听着听着这位戏剧界的酷儿对戏剧的质疑也许你这一生就能做一次真正的艺术家
Say Van Gogh and
就像梵高
Lend me your ear
侧耳倾听
You're not a writer
你不是作家
You're a writer like f**king Hulk Hogan's a street fighter
你是个作家就像HulkHogan是街头斗士
You write these dramas
你写下这些故事
You accumulate your wealth
你积累财富
You hold nature as to a mirror of yourself
你把大自然当做你自己的镜子
Just because you're messed up doesn't mean we are too
你糟糕透顶并不代表我们也糟糕透顶
Just because you want to bang your mom doesn't mean Danish princes do what
就因为你想勾搭你的妈妈并不意味着丹麦王子会做什么
Who Yeah Hamlet Shakespeare that's right the young prince whose father died at the hands of his uncle with whom his mother lied sound familiar
谁哈姆雷特莎士比亚没错年轻的王子他的父亲死于他叔叔之手他的母亲对他撒谎听起来很熟悉
It's the f**king Lion King
这是狮子王
You stole from a Disney movie you androgynous douche what's next
你偷了迪士尼电影里的东西你个中性的蠢货接下来呢
The story of a French king on a quest to find his lost son Nemo
讲述的是一个法国国王寻找他迷失的儿子尼莫的故事
Oh and by the way poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no f**king sense make
顺便说一句当你的句子毫无意义的时候诗意的天赋真的很容易伪装
To be or not to be
生存还是死亡
That is the question whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
这是一个问题，在心灵上遭受暴虐的命运的打击是否更高贵
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them To die
或者拿起武器去面对无边无际的麻烦,用一种对抗的方式结束它们
To sleep no more and by a sleep to say we end the heartache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to
也就是说,不再酣然入睡后,也可以说,心痛和肉体所承受的千百种自然的打击都已结束
'Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished To die to sleep
虔诚地希望在睡梦中死去
To sleep perchance to dream ay
酣然入睡也许心怀梦想
There's the rub for in that sleep of death what
这就是阻碍在死亡的睡梦中
Dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil must give us pause
当我们摆脱尘世的束缚梦想或许会降临我们必须暂停一下
Pft like what
私人飞机怎么样
This next song is about quantum mechanics
下一首歌是关于量子力学的
Hits random keys on the piano
随意按下钢琴上的键
This next song
下一首歌
I was raised very well like a field of corn
我从小就像一片玉米田
You know I was also raised very Christian like the Children of the Corn
你知道我从小就信仰基督教就像玉米地的孩子
And Christians get angry at me 'cause I say things like Why the long nose Pope nocchio
基督徒对我恼羞成怒因为我说为什么长鼻子教宗夜猫子
They'll think I'll go to Hell
他们会以为我会下地狱
The truth is I've been to Christian Hell
事实上我去过基督教地狱
And I actually wrote a song about it
我为此写了一首歌
Hitler was there
希特勒就在那里
And so were all the Jews yeah
所有的犹太人也一样
So it got a little awkward
所以有点尴尬