How to Get - and Stay - Famous - Momus

Lord tell me how long it's going to take me to get famous
Will it take a week in vaudeville a season in pantomime
Two years on the West End stage a decade or maybe more
Because I can't afford to wait 'til
I'm dribbling bald toothless spineless and brainless
I don't believe in your afterlife and your posterity
But if they exist I must be at least half the way there
And Lord what if it takes a decade
I am no longer young
Show me the road to fame Lord show me that road
Or just the road to the next whiskey bar
And Lord what will it take what will it
Take to get me to be and to stay famous
Am I going to have to sell my soul
To the stylists and the tailors of this world
If I'm not to go down in history as one of the failures
Lord teach me the boy band dance routines
Above all teach me to be tame bland blind and blameless
Cos that's the hardest thing of all to be aggressive and yet remain harmless
To edit out my impure thoughts when
You know so well Lord that I'm shameless
Principled amoral provocative confrontational and shameless
And Lord how long did it take you to get famous
After you'd created this fantastic planet and all the animals upon it
That creep about upon its surface
It must've taken a million years or more before
Anyone even thought to give a name to the nameless
And then in the blinking of an eye the backlash came
The cynics crowded round saying you didn't even exist
Oh fashion is fickle Lord you know that more than I do
The backlash always comes no matter what you've done
Created a world or that difficult third album
And the Lord said：
Don't ask me I have no idea
All I know how to do is how to hide
How to hide and disappear
Lord tell me where will it take me
What strange place will it take me being famous
Am I destined to be rich beyond the wildest dreams of men
Will I rest at last between the breasts
And legs of delicate oriental girls and make babies
Will I be transported back to the house
Where I was born in a limousine twenty foot long
While a crowd stands by foaming at the mouth like dogs with rabies
Will I be borne on the shoulders of the crowd
Will I be taken from the back of the stadium
To the front of the stadium to the back of the stadium
Tossed around and shocked by what was allowed
And Lord who do you have to sleep with in this town
Who do you have to go down on to get famous
Lord tell me what soundtracks do
I have to do what d**gs do I have to do how old is too old
How many free copies should I give away with every album sold
I'm not trying to say I'm fit to dine at your table
All I'm saying is we all use the same tricks if we're able
Lord I have friends I've watched them one by one become famous
While they complimented me on my songs I smiled in my corner alone
Watched their inner birds spread their wings and fly
Though I had an inner bird too Lord
You know mine remained a swan in cellophane
Trapped under a glass ceiling a bird in a transparent cage
Lord why do this to me Why let me die
Having given me a bird and never let it fly
Lord why Why
And Lord tell me how long did it take you to get famous
You who sent your dearly beloved son down
To walk the planet earth and be amongst us
You who chose to give him sensational powers
So he could do tricks much better than ours
And work miracles to impress us
Lord you did it for the publicity I know I understand
But then the backlash came we turned on your son and he was slain
No matter what you've done the backlash always comes
Created a world given your son or your difficult third album
And the Lord said：
Don't ask me I have no idea
All I know how to do is how to hide
And disappear
So I said：
Lord if that is all you can say to me
Share with me the secret of your immaculate obscurity