Jesus Thinks You’re A Jerk - Frank Zappa

There's an ugly little wasel 'bout three foot nine
Face puffed up from cryin' 'n lyin'
'Cause her sweet little hubby's
Suckin' prong part time
In the name of the lord
Get a clue little shrew
Oh yeah oh yeah
Jesus thinks you're a jerk
Did he really choose tammy to do his work
Robertson says that he's the one
Oh he sure is
If armageddon
Is your idea of family fun
An' he's got some planned for you
Now tell me that ain't true
Now what if jimbo's slightly gay
Will pat let jimbo get away
Everything we've heard him say
Indicated that jim must pay
And it just might hurt a bit
But keep that money rollin' in
'Cause pat and naughty jimbo
Can't get enough of it
Perhaps it's their idea
Of an affirmative action plan
To give white trash a 'special break'
Well they took those jeezo bucks and ran
To the bank to the bank to the bank to the bank
And every night we can hear them thank
Their buddy up above
For sending down his love
While you all smell the glove
Jim and pat should take a pole
Right up each saintly glory hole
With tar and feathers too
Just like they'd love to do to you
'Cause they think you are bad
And they are very mad
'Cause some folks don't want prayer in school
We'd need an ark to survive the drool
Of micro publicans raised on hate
And 'jimbo jimbo' when they graduate
Conviced they are 'the chosen ones'
And all their parents carry guns
And hold them cards in the n r a
With their fingers on the triggers
When they kneel and pray
With a ku klux muu muu
In the back of the truck
If you ain't born again
They wanna mess you up screamin'：
'No abortion no siree '
'Life's too precious can't you see '
What's that hangin' from the neighbor's tree
Why it looks like 'colored folks' to me
Would they do that seriously
Imagine if you will
A multi millionaire television evangelist
Saved from korean combat duty by his father a u s senator
Studied law
But is not qualified to practice it
Father of a 'love child'
Who in adulthood hosts the remnants
Of papa's religious propaganda program
Claims not to be a 'faith healer'
But has in the past
Dealt stearnly with everything from hemorrhoids to hurricanes
Involved with funding for a 'secret war' in central america
Claiming ronald reagan and oliver north as close friends
Involved in suspicous 'tax avoidance schemes'
Under investigation for 16 months by the I r s
Claims to be a man of god
Currenty seeking the united states presidency
Hoping we will all follow him into
The twilight zone
What if pat gets in the white house
And suddenly
The rights of 'certain people' disappear
Mysteriously
Now wouldn't that sort of qualify
As an american tragedy
Especially if he covers it up sayin'
'Jesus told it to me '
I hope we never see that day
In the land of the free
Or someday will we
Will we
And if you don't know by now
The truth of what I'm tellin' you
Then surely I have failed somehow
And jesus will think I'm a jerk just like you
If you let those tv preachers
Make a monkey out of you
I said：
'Jesus will think you're a jerk'
And it would be true
There's an old rugged cross
In the land of cutton
It's still burnin' on somebody's lawn
And it still smells rotten
Jim and tammy
Oh baby
You gotta go
You really got to go