Poker In The Sky - Joe Budden

[Prod. by 8 Bars]
[Verse]
Just trying to explain the unexplainable
More than trying to attain the unattainable
Trying to make it sustainable
Collecting all the parts, see if they interchangeable
Killing me slow, but I'm glad it's entertaining you
Everyday it amaze me
The same thinking that pay me the same thinking that plagues me
How can I think I'm crazy?Sway me
Cause to profit off of shit that aches me is actually pretty wavy
I'm painting the perfect picture
Only perfect cause the imperfections are highlighted
To gross currency off of that kinda sickness
Changes the meaning of mind my business
Giving what was given to me
So the soldiers come over unsober
And call me Yoda instead of Joseph
I be like "why they come to me for advice?"
They should really come to me for a vice
I got 'em all
Got a counter full of liquor, pocket full of pills
The illusion of control, I can tell you how it feels
Accounts full of paper and the women I play with
All got criminal bodies, innocent faces
Come around and we have a ball, could have it all
Well, I ran out of Adderall, but that's a matter of a call, check it
Odds is they start telling me they hardships
Regardless, they end up wanting hard dick, aww shit
You would think they been ordained
Got her legs in the air, she screaming the Lord's name
I'm feeding her more game, more game, more game
I started fucking her mind, that's when all them thoughts came
She keep saying if I want her I should fight for her
My plight for her says I don't know if I'm right for her
Even so know there's a fire I ignite for her
Staring at her ceiling, seeing me like I'm a nightcrawler
It's like she love me, but she don't
That's when she lose me, that's when she confuse me
It's what I get appalled with, can't call it
She think I should remove her hurt since I installed it
But I wish she knew I was returned 2 birds
Feel it hurt me more knowing I hurt you
Even though it exists I don't ever bring it up
We don't be doing nothing, but it's everything to us
Presently she bring up the past and it's filthy
You not talking to who I was or who I will be
But that's my own assignment
You want to take all the feelings and the time spent
And give it realignment
Check the catalog, lateral God
I self-sabotage, I'd explain further, but I'd rather not
Salute, on me, everybody have a shot
I do it for the niggas they said wouldn't have a shot
But some days are better than some days
Still yet here I stand on numb legs
Women don't give a fuck that I have these scars
I'm fucking the same hoes that the athletes are
What a rollercoaster, we argued and we sexed
Face in her box, James Harden in her texts
Nigga from the Clippers every morning text her "good morning"
She be sleep, he just be talking to me, my nigga
None of this is a pain to see
I only care about her if she pertains to me
Shit I'm tending to emergencies with urgency
That urge in me is my daily fight in her purging me
Fuck hoes, I ain't got time to be sprung now
Grandpa's cancer just made it to his lungs now
In 2012, docs gave him few months;wild
He's alive somehow, outlived 2 sons, wow
So no the observation
Says he'll die quicker with chemo and radiation
He ain't strong enough to even go through operation
Know that death's coming, he just in the house waiting
So you telling me there ain't a way to fix the shit?
Or is grandpa too old for you to give a shit?
Let's switch the shit, give you my predicament
Wonder how you would feel if I was telling yours live with it
And it's traveling to his heart soon
Of course it all hit me like a harpoon
I was in shock and then it was all clearer
When he called me and asked me to be his pallbearer
I was floored
But then the next second was back
To being self-centered, self-absorbed
And it became about me, fought it off long enough
I could help carry your weight, but I ain't strong enough
But why do I have to be?
This the shit I be naturally asking me, I'm such a catastrophe
See me breaking down with my father in back of me
So for me to attend, I'm trying to think of a strategy
But I'm happy for my dad
He was incarcerated, but his mama didn't make it
So for him to get that chance again with you
Means the world, he could be there til it end for you and me
I bleed out through this pen for you
Can't carry this around, gotta vent, it's due
Cause now, grandpa'll be closer to his wife
Have cards when I come, we playing poker in the sky