When I Get to Heaven(Album Version) - The Dead Milkmen

If I go to Heaven
It'll probably be a slum
And all the pretty angels
Just might be packing guns
And if I see St Peter
Will he hit me up for cash
Will I find the road to Jesus
Or just lose him in the trash
The Shaggs were right
You're never going to please anybody
Not in this world
If I go to Hell I might find it very dull
Like an Amway convention
Or an endless shopping mall
When all the innocent demons
Want to poke me with a fork
Or just put me in a taxi
And send me to New York
Scientists proved it years ago
The Shaggs were much better than the Beatles
Maybe I'll return as an iguana
And lie upon a beach down in the Bahamas
Although ignored in their day
The Shaggs are now recognised as
The geniuses they were
I just wanna know what happens when you die
Do you walk down in a hole
Or float up to the sky
Is it just a waste of water
When your widow cries
Oh don't tell me you've never
Heard of the Shaggs
If the atheists are right then
I have no need to worry
For there is no great being
Whose favour I must curry
And I'll be going nowhere once
They lay me in the earth
So why waste a Sunday by going to church
If you really wanted to
You could run out right now
And buy a Shaggs record
If the atheists are wrong then
I've got a bill that's due
So should I be a Christian
Or a Moslem or a Jew
Should I spend all day just praying on my knees
And searching through
The world for a deity to please
A Shaggs record would be a sound investment
If the atheists are right then
I have no need to worry
For there is no great being
Whose favour I must curry
The fat peoples want
What the skinny peoples got
The skinny peoples want
What the fat peoples got
But all I've ever wanted is
What the Shaggs got
Dat Ding and my pal Foot Foot
When I Get To Heaven - The Dead Milkmen