Shattered Illusions - Patti LuPone

Marilyn
I fell for a man at a party a hyperion
His God like beauty easily met each criterion
Six foot four and debonaire
Emerald eyes and thick black hair
But when we got closer was he perfect
No sir
His nice white teeth came out at night
And socks down his jeans was what made 'em tight
Oh my shattered illusions
I got a shock when I saw him cleanse
Each bright green contact lense
Oh my poor confusion
But the thing that cause the final rift
Was when his toupee started to drift
And his shoes had three inch lifts
Oh my shattered illusions
Adele
Now as for me I lately met a city type
He was nearly fifty seven but I couldn't gripe
Rolled umbrella pin-striped suit
And a shiny rolls to boot
But when I got closer was he perfect
No sir
His great big hands were like wet spaghetti
Lay on the couch and said call me Betty
Oh my shattered illusions
He went on and on for hours and hours
About something called golden showers
And showed me his contusions
Wearing nipple clamps and bows in his pubic hair
He handed me a whip and said beat me there
Then asked if he could sniff my underwear
Oh my shattered illusions
Dillie
Now me I really think I've met the perfect guy
Can't find a single fault no matter how I try
Though no Adonis he's the cream
He's every mother's dream
But will I let him get closer
No sir
He thinks I'm lovely but entre nous
My lashes and nails are stuck on with glue
Oh his shattered illusions
With a little tuck here
And a little tuck there
And I wasn't born with this blonde hair
Oh his poor delusions
My original chin was much much bigger
My nose job would simply make him snigger
As to silicone I owe my shapely figure
Oh those shattered illusions
But I'll keep Mum because you see
His bride is what I long to be
But god help us if the children look like me
Oh those shattered illusions