As I Feed the Flames of Hate - Quo Vadis

A conspiratory silence fills my mind
A hardly mentioned name
Yet it permeates my every move
Power of will is hardly enough
Accomplishing nothing but a delusionary
Sense of completeness
Pretense
My own parody
As played by me to humiliate no one
But myself
This foolish game I play
Being subjected to ever new
Devious plots by my mind
Permanently scars my soul
Etched in anguish
Memories carved out in pain
Struggling
To maintain my battedred sanity brings relief
While rest is an eupherism for torture
Denying myself the memories
Only worsens the flood of emotion
Drowning me every time
As I struggle to maintain my composure
It's asking to deny the reason for my existence
Because I feel that somewhere
Somehow
Our two paths will join at one point
Through some spiritual
Yet tangible bond
Which so far had prevented all of my deceitful
Attempts and insignifant conspiracies to
Eradicate her from my heart
Meanwhile I bludgeon pain into a manageable mold
Encysted in layers of hate
Permitting time to
Pass as I maintain
Hidden behind impermeable walls
Of my own buls**t