Water Cooler Suicide - The Last Felony

Water Cooler Suicide - The Last Felony
That's how I want it to end. A footnote on the back of a crappy newspaper. A short report by some faggot with a bad combover on the morning news. Something everyone would discuss that day at work and start their day off thinking about the uselessness of their own existence: a real water cooler suicide. If you want to be remembered, you have to go out with a bang. People judge a story solely on it's ending. You have to give them what they want: blood, sex, and controversy. the more embarrassing, the better! Most people can't remember the singer from INXS' name, but we all know he was found in a hotel room, hanging from his own belt with his limp dick in hand. As a result of an overzealous game of autoerotic asphyxiation. If he only managed to cum just a bit faster, he might still be alive today. And we'd probably all have completely forgotten about him by now. He has attained the status of a legend through one final disgusting, self-gratifying, quasi-suicidal, carnal act. It doesn't matter what you accomplish in life, as long as you give them something to talk about when you die. I want to be remembered for one single stupidity I committed, and forgotten for who I really was.