A Little Priest - Stephen Sondheim

MS. LOVETT:
Seems a downright shame
TODD (spoken):
Shame?
MS. LOVETT:
Seems an awful waste
Such a nice plump frame
Wots his name has
Had has
Nor he can't be traced
Business needs a lift
Debts to be erased
Think of it as thrift, as a gift
If you get my drift
Seems and awful waste
I mean...with the price of meat wot it is
When you get it, if you get it
TODD:
Ah
MS. LOVETT:
Good you got it
Take for instance Ms. Mooney and her pie shop
Business never better using only p**sy cats and toast
Now a p**sy's good for maybe six or seven at the most
And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste
(simultaneously)
TODD:
Ms. Lovett, what a charming notion
Eminently practical
MS. LOVETT:
Well it does seem a waste!
TODD:
And yet appropriate as always
Ms. Lovett, how I've lived without you all these years
I'll never know!
How delectable!
Also undetectable!
MS. LOVETT:
Think about it
Lots of other gentlemen'll soon be coming in for a shave
Won't they?
Think of
All them
Pies!
TODD:
How choice!
How rare!
For what's the sound of the world out there?
MS. LOVETT:
What Mr. Todd, what Mr. Todd
What is that sound?
TODD:
Those crunching noises pervading the air!
MS. LOVETT:
Yes, Mr. Todd, Yes Mr. Todd
Yes all around
TODD:
It's man devouring man, my dear!
BOTH:
Then who are we to deny it in here?
TODD (spoken):
These are desperate times, Ms. Lovett
And desperate measures are called for
MS. LOVETT:
Here we are. Hot out of the oven
TODD:
What is that?
MS. LOVETT:
Its priest
Have a little priest
TODD:
Is it really good?
MS. LOVETT:
Sir, it's too good, at least
Then again they don't commit sins of the flesh
So it's pretty fresh
TODD:
Awful lot of fat
MS. LOVETT:
Only where it sat
TODD:
Haven't you got poet or something like that?
MS. LOVETT:
No you see the trouble with poet
Is how do you know it's deceased?
Try the priest!
Lawyer's rather nice
TODD:
If it's for a price
MS. LOVETT:
Order something else, though, to follow
Since no one should swallow it twice
TODD:
Anything that's lean?
MS. LOVETT:
Well then if you're British and loyal
You might enjoy royal marine
Anyway it's clean
Though of course it tastes of wherever it's been!
TODD:
Is that squire on the fire?
MS. LOVETT:
Mercy no, sir, look closer
You'll notice its grocer!
TODD:
Looks thicker, more like vicar
MS. LOVETT:
No, it has to be grocer
It's green!
TODD:
The history of the world, my love
MS. LOVETT:
Save a lot of graves
Do a lot of relatives favors
TODD:
Is those below serving those up above!
MS. LOVETT:
Everybody shaves so there should be plenty of flavors
TODD:
How gratifying for once to know
BOTH:
That those above will serve those down below
TODD (spoken):
What is that?
MS. LOVETT:
It's fop
Finest in the shop
Or we have some shepherds pie peppered
With actual shepherd on top!
And I've just begun
Is the politician so oily it's served with a doily?
Have one!
TODD:
Put it on a bun
Well you never know if it's going to run!
MS. LOVETT:
Try the friar!
Fried, it's drier!
TODD:
No!
The clergy is really too coarse and too mealy!
MS. LOVETT:
Then actor!
It's compacter!
TODD:
Ah, but always arrives overdone
(spoken)I'll come again when you have judge on the menu
Have charity towards the world, my pet!
MS. LOVETT:
Yes, yes, I know, my love
TODD:
We'll take the customers that we can get!
MS. LOVETT:
High-born and low, my love!
TODD:
We'll not discriminate great from small
No, we'll serve anyone
(simultaneously)
MS. LOVETT:
We'll serve anyone!
TODD:
Meaning anyone!
BOTH:
And to anyone
At all!