I Eat With Gusto， Damn! You Bet - Jonathan Richman

When I eat like I do it
I use not fork nor spoon
No grace or culture to it
When I call my own tune
For I eat with gusto d**n you bet
A regular K 9 cruncher
Except truth be told I'm sloppier yet
Than many a dog food muncher
I eat a pound I eat a ton
And no there ain't much I cuts up
And while I'm having merry fun
Bystanders puke their guts up
The FBI sent someone by
Who handles health affairs
I had not finished my cream pie
When he chanced up the stairs
Why did he turn the other way
Why did he leave so quick
Will he come back another day
Did something make him sick
I eat with gusto d**n you bet
A regular doggie diner
No don't bring me napkins waiter sir
Just bring some trash can liner
Whilst wandering by a juice bar
I spyed a tempting beverage
Since I would have been last in line
I used my fearsome leverage
For in my pocket was some food
Which I took from the wrapper
The patrons wathced it being chewed
And of course headed for the crapper
For I eat with gusto d**n you bet
For gusto I'm the boss
For yay my nose it is in the salad
And lo my chin it is in the sauce
I eat with gusto d**n you bet
We're sailing around the cape
Keel haul him said the Bosun
There must be no escape
One sunny day in Paris an elegant cafe
A phone call there a phone call here
And the gendarmes took me away
I said qu'est ce qui se passe ici
I said mais qu'est ce que c'est
They said Such eating it is criminal
And crime it does not pay
For I eat with gusto d**n you bet
My banner yay unfurled
My shirt is covered with mustard
And my hair with ketchup curled
Goodby to Egypt Greece and Rome
The ancient world goodbye
May squalor be my summer home
And filth be my neck tie
For I eat with gusto d**n you bet
Uh And Uh I eat with gusto d**n you bet
My country tis of thee
I eat for social progress
I eat for victory
Somebody died who watched me eat
In a restaurant one spell
He woke up and saw me eating beans
And knew that he'd gone to hell
For Uh He eats with gusto d**n we bet
They're calling from the south
They want to stop my gusto
They want to close my mouth
You eat with gusto yeah that's great
Now let us off this bus
Wait a minute I haven't finished eating up stuff yet
We'll call you don't call us