He Vas My Boyfriend - Andrea Martin

Love comes when you least suspect it
Love dances in on a whim
I thought maybe I could direct it
But I never expected
A guuy like him
He was a bully und a brute
He vas as crazy as a coot
Still I didn't give a hoot
He vas my boyfriend
With ev'ry voman he vould flirt
He alvays treated me like dirt
But I vas happy to be hurt
He vas my boyfriend
I vas as pure as a virgin meadow
Lying with vicotr in the gloam
Then he turned to me
That charmer
Whispered
Ł˘let's
Play farmer
Ł˘
And plowed me 'til the cows came home
He vas a monster and a beast
His midnight bangings never ceased
It didn't faze me in the least
He vas my boyfriend
Spoken
I'll never forget the first time I met victor
It vas
On the village green
At the annual bock beer festival
Where every beer cost
A bock
I vas an innocent young lamb and he was a dirty old
Goat
Ve vere made for each other
All of a sudden
He took out his paraphernalia and
Shouted
Ł˘let's play croquet
Ł˘
And off to the field've vent
He carried his hoops and mallets and I carried his
Balls
What a festival
Fun and games all day long
Archery
Badminton
Potato sack
Victor won the three legged race
All by himself
It
Vas love at first sight
Sung
He vas the one I gave my heart to
But've never wed even so
If I mentioned wedlock
He'd put me in a headlock
Vhen I asked to be his wife
He stabbed me with a kitchen knife
Ach
Where did the good times go
If he had an angry fit
I vas the first thing that he'd hit
But I didn't give a s**t
He vas my boyfriend