I Remember Sex - Loudon Wainwright III

I remember s*x
That thing we used to do
Where you'd lay down and usually I'd lie on top of you
Sometimes you'd lie on top of me
We tried that out a bit
But it didn't work as well
I guess something just didn't fit
I remember s*x
We had it at night
A few times in the morning and then after we would fight
And on special occasions when we'd had too much to drink
Once in a Morris Minor
A convertible
I think
I remember s*x
It was such a big deal
That we worried where it would come from much more than our next meal
And we were always hungry
Often we overate
It was up and down and back and forth and hurry up and wait
I remember s*x
And when we went to bed
Sometimes we didn't sleep at all we just had s*x instead
And having it was heavenly
Not getting it pure hell
And it was either great or bad
Few did it merely well
I remember s*x
And how it made us feel
Completely realistic yet totally surreal
A thing that we all thought about and all that we thought of
That distant crazy cousin to the scary thing called love
I remember s*x
I started on my own
When you and I stopped having it
I tried it on the phone
But that was so expensive and s*x is just a crutch
And since I kicked the habit I don't think about it much
But
I remember s*x
Something that we did
And we always used to worry we'd end up with a kid
Then we'd have to get rid of it or else we'd have to wed
These days s*x can kill ya
Kids
So stay awake in bed